Wounded...

I'm reading a book.

It's called Man - The Dwelling Place of God by A.W. Tozer.

In this book, Tozer writes about the incredible fact that man is the dwelling place of God. How awesome is that? I've been blown away by the ideas that Tozer presents and the earnest heart that he writes with. He writes with passion, with energy, with a sincere desire that his reader reads.

In this book, he quotes a woman who lived in 14th century England by the name of the Lady Julian of Norwich. I've never been so struck by a quote from someone I've never heard of before. The quote reads:

"O God, please give me three wounds; the wound of contrition and the wound of compassion and the wound of longing after God. This I ask without condition."

Take a breath... there's a lot packed in those two short but poignant sentences.

The wound of contrition...
The wound of contrition... what exactly is that? In this context, it is a sense that I personally crucified Jesus. My sin was the reason he was nailed on the cross. My sin was the reason he suffered.

A wound of contrition is a presence of mind that recognizes our position before God. We were guilty. There's no flowery language. There's no maybe this maybe that. There's no if's and's or but's.

The beauty is we've been redeemed. We've been declared not guilty. Through repentance and faith, we have been set free. Romans 5:1 states: "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." The gavel has been struck. The verdict is in. We are NOT GUILTY! However, a contrite spirit recognizes the grace associated with this verdict. I don't deserve it. I'm not entitled. I'm not worthy... yet, He makes it so.

The wound of compassion...
The wound of compassion is more straightforward; yet, is not easy in practice. Tozer writes, "The man who has this wound of compassion is a man who suffers along with other people."

I know for a fact that is not easy for me. I struggle with feelings. I struggle with emotions. I'm sure some of that is being a guy, but I think some of it is my human nature. Most days, my primary concern is me. It's sad, but it's true. Christ is the perfect example of compassion. He has been tempted. He knows what you're going through. He has every reason to not be compassionate though; yet, in His love for us, He chooses to be compassionate.

Do I suffer along with my coworkers? Do I suffer along with my housemates? With my parents? The guy on the street corner holding a cardboard sign asking for change?

Compassion is easy to understand. It is so hard to practice. It requires us to shift our perspective from inward to outward. It requires us to stop looking in and start looking out.

The wound of longing after God...
The idea of a wound expounds the idea of pain. To pray this is to ask for a pain, a discomfort, a hurting for God.

The idea of longing carries with it the idea of a perpetual journey. A heart that longs after God is a heart that is never content. It is never satisfied with the present situation. A heart that longs after God is a heart that seeks Him daily. Its sole (and soul) desire is to know God--to experience His presence--and to grow.

I struggle with longing after God. I too often find myself longing for knowledge. I love learning. I love studying. However, this love sometimes tries to replace my longing for God. I think I can satisfy this longing through study, through learning. I think that if I learn one more fact about God, I'll be satisfied... but to what end?

I need a wound in my heart that is lovesick for God. It doesn't want one more fact... it seeks to simply want God.

This simple prayer is bookended by perhaps a sentence that carries just as much meaning as the first.

"This I ask without condition."

Another way of saying this would be, "I don't care what it takes, God. I want this badly enough that I give you permission to use any means necessary." There's trust in this prayer. There is faith in this prayer.

I want this level of faith. I want this level of trust. I've started praying for three wounds. I have no doubt that God will come through. I'm ready.

Heartbreaker, you got the best of me...

Let's just get this out and on the table... I am terrible at keeping up with this. And yes, that is a Mariah Carey song reference in the title.

Okay, that aside... let's get down to business (to defeat the Huns).

My pastor posed the question at church on Sunday... "What does your heart weep for?"

I wish I could answer that. I feel like there's times I could list of tons of things and give a great answer, but most of the time (right now) I'm drawing blanks. What does my heart weep for? What breaks my heart? What keeps me up at night?

At the church I've started attending, Portico Arlington, we have been studying the book of Jonah. If you haven't read the book of Jonah, do it right now... pause the blog reading and read Jonah. It's 4 chapters of about 10 verses each but it is incredible! Shoot, even if you have read it, stop what you're doing and read it anyways--it is worth your time.

Anyways, that aside, we are studying Jonah and throughout this book, the reader is given a striking picture of Jonah's heart compared to God's heart. If two things were ever opposite, they would be Jonah's heart compared to God's heart. Long story short, the book ends with Jonah angry and sitting outside a city where he just witnessed 120,000 people repent and return to God.

Jonah's heart is weeping for his circumstances. He is mad about his situation. He is mad that God's grace extended to his enemies. He is mad that they didn't get what they deserved.

God's heart is weeping for the lost. He is weeping for Jonah's hard heart. He is weeping for the 120,000 people who repented of sin and put their faith in Him. He is rejoicing because they didn't get what they deserved.

What a stark contrast.

Isn't it so easy to sit back and look at Jonah with judgement? It's easy to sit back and say, "Man, if I were in his position, I would have been so much better!" or "I'm better than that! I would never be so self-centered."

Oh if only that were true.

Sadly it's not... I know I'm tragically self-centered. I wake up and the first thing I do is think about what I am going to wear to work. What am I going to look like? What am I going to eat for lunch? My whole world revolves around me! I'm just like Jonah! My heart weeps for my circumstances! "Ah, I got stuck in traffic today!" "Ah, my milk went bad and I couldn't have cereal for breakfast." "Ah, work was so busy!"

God's heart weeps for so much more than that. His heart weeps for the lost people I drive by as I commute to work. His heart weeps for my coworkers who don't know Him.

To zoom out and see the bigger picture--to step outside what my own eyes and heart focuses on--and turn my eyes on what God sees would be an incredible experience. I don't expect it to happen immediately (if it does, that is fine by me) but I expect it to happen. Each day, I want to focus less on myself and more or others. There's so much at stake... there's eternity at stake.

My heart should weep for that.

Fly...

My how the time flies.

I remembered the other day that I used to blog on the regular... so, I logged in and was shocked to see the last time I wrote anything was over a month ago!

What have I been doing?

Surprisingly, I would say I've been doing quite a lot.

I moved to a new city. I made new friends. I started a job. I got a paycheck. I bought groceries (more than once). I ate groceries... the list goes on!

In all seriousness, life has been very different, but in some ways strangely similar. I'm living in the "city" for the first time in my life. Say what you want, but a town of 40,000 is not a city. It's a town. Move to the metro region and you realize how many people there really are. However, I've had the amazing opportunity to live with three guys who love the Lord and push me to know him better every day. I've been checking out a church and getting involved there and that has been a blessing and a half. I've been working 40 hour weeks for the first time in many years.

Different, yet similar.

Maybe you're like me and you have all these ideas of what life is going to look like at some point in your future. You have a general picture of what you'll be doing, where you'll be living, who you'll know... but if there's one thing I've found is true, I really had no idea at all. Yes, there are things I did know, but on the whole, I could have never guessed what my life would be like.

The moral of the story is, don't settle. Don't assume that your picture of life to come is how it will be. Maybe you're super stoked about your future. Maybe you've got a sweet job lined up, some awesome roommates, a significant other you plan on marrying... don't settle. Maybe it's a different story. Maybe you're not that excited about your future. Maybe it's totally uncertain, you are moving to a whole new place, you don't have a job lined up, you're moving back home... don't settle.

The worst thing you can do is assume that what you think will happen is exactly how it will be. In my extremely limited years on this earth, I can tell you that it will be nothing like you think. God will blow you out of the water time and time again if you let Him. He will give you people to pour into and to be poured into by. He will give you a church (physical building and body of believers). He will provide for you--for you are his beloved.

I've lived in the "real world" now for about a month exactly. It's been hard at times, but man, it has been so good. God wants us to rely on him. When we do, we open up so many opportunities to let Him work. I don't think the verse goes: "Lean sometimes on your own understanding..."

No.

It reads: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." (emphasis added)

I write this post for myself. Maybe you're going through something similar. Maybe you will be in a few years. Maybe you already have... but any way, Proverbs 3:5 holds true.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5

A citizen of some other place...

I realized the other day that I've been writing this blog for a while now and I've never explained the origin of the title.

A lot of you probably know (and if you don't, shame on you) that my favorite band is Thrice.

They're a post-hardcore/experimental/alternative rock group from California. Their lead, Dustin Kensrue is going to be the worship leader at Mars Hill Church - Orange County. However, they aren't exactly a "Christian" band as not all of the members are.

The thing I like most about their music is the lyrics that Dustin writes. He delves deep into faith and often takes a different perspective on certain things. For example, he's written a song called The Weight of Glory about the woman caught in adultery told from one of the Pharisee's point of view. He also wrote a song called Like Moths to Flame about Peter's denial of Jesus told from Peter's point of view. His ability to jump inside the minds of these people and write and sing the emotions they experienced is incredible.

So, the title of this blog, as you might have guessed, comes from one of Thrice's songs named In Exile.



The first verse of the song, Dustin sings:

I am an exile, a sojourner; A citizen of some other place.

And I thought, what better title? One of the biggest struggles I've faced in my faith is learning how to live a life surrounded by so much that is pushing me away from Christ. A lot of people like the phrase "in the world, but not of it" and while that somewhat describes it, I think there's more to it than that.

I've struggled with the idea of where my citizenship lies, where my true home is, where I really live. The thing I love so much about this song, is Dustin is almost singing my thoughts and questions.

As I set out on this grand adventure of writing a blog, I thought, what better title than one that describes who I really am. I hope that in writing this, you've learned a little bit more about who I am, about what I struggle with, and in turn, maybe... just maybe, you've overcome some struggles in your path.

I plan on writing this blog for a while, but it's fun to stop and reflect on where things all started.

As the chorus goes:
My heart is filled with songs of forever -
Of a city that endures, where all is made new.
I know I don't belong here; I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through.

Shh... listen.

I had the wonderful privilege of being a program tech at the DC Metro Region's Committee/Leader Weekend at Rockbridge Alum Springs (what I like to call the DCMRCLW@RAS) last weekend.

As a program tech, I essentially made sure the slideshows were ready, the music was cued and loud, and the lights were on (or off) when needed.

The major bonus here is that I got to sit and listen to each talk the keynote speaker gave. Susan D. Hill was the speaker for the weekend and she spoke primarily about her experiences with hearing God's voice and how she'd learned to listen.

Pause the story for a second... I've been sporadically praying for the past couple months (maybe years) to learn how to hear the voice of God better. Odd, wouldn't you think? No, how about God.

Resume the story... As I sat in the tech booth and listened, I came face to face with the reality that God does speak to people. I'm not sure where I got the idea, but I assumed that nowadays he just didn't want to... or didn't need to... or something. I assumed that maybe God was just tired of talking after yelling at the Israelites for a few hundred years. It's funny how I'm so wrong sometimes.

Susan told story after story after story about how God had spoken to her through circumstances, through dreams, through conversations, through his word. In countless ways, God had reached out to her and captured her attention. He had spoken to her.

I think sometimes it's easy for me to write things off as false, untrue, or impossible when I haven't seen first hand. I'm so bound by my own experience that it's really hard for me to accept things in faith. I've read a lot of the Bible. I've read countless examples of God speaking to people. In fact, Friday before I left for Rockbridge, I read Exodus 34:6-7 in which God is meeting Moses FACE TO FACE and proclaiming truths about who the Lord is and what his character is like.

I read all these things and yet I still can't believe that God speaks to people. I sit in the tech booth at Rockbridge and listen to someone talk about times the Lord has reached out to them and spoken and I doubt. I think how weird this person is. I think of how strange they are... how bizarre this is. Scripture is overflowing with examples of the Lord speaking to people and yet when I have an opportunity to hear a person speak first hand, I don't accept it.

Thanks be to God that I was able to come to this weekend. I left a firm believer that God still speaks to people. I don't think I have it down just yet. I still struggle. I'm still learning how to listen. I don't expect to get it overnight.

Sunday morning as we were eating breakfast. One of the men at my table shared an experience he'd had hearing the voice of God just the day before. During the night session, he was drifting off to sleep during the speaker's message. During his short sleep, he had a dream his friend Mark was serenading him and as he approached him, he yelled, "WAKE UP!" He jolted awake, embarrassed that he'd fallen asleep. As he sat there listening, his favorite number, 1337, popped into his head and for some reason, he decided that he needed to look at the verse Mark 13:37.

(Here comes the crazy part.)

Mark 13:37 reads: "And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake."

Whoa. Now, if that isn't God speaking to him, I don't know what is.

God still speaks to people. I'm convinced he does. I don't think he's ever stopped speaking... I think we've stopped listening. I know I have. I am so distracted by my phone, Facebook, emails, Twitter, my new job, friends, my dog, EVERYTHING! I think the key is learning how to tune your ears, eyes, and heart to seeing, hearing, and perceiving God. He's everywhere--I just need to pay attention.

I just need to stay awake.

P.S. Susan D. Hill has a book called Closer Than Your Skin. I haven't read it yet, but I'm very excited to. If you're interested, check it out.

Time...

For reasons I can't really explain, time has always fascinated me.

What is time, really? Is it a sensation, a physical dimension, a human concept? I don't know, and I don't plan to dive into all the physics and debate, but nevertheless, I am fascinated by time.

What is an hour, I might ask... well, it's sixty minutes, you say. Okay then, well, what is a minute? It's sixty seconds, you answer. Correct, then, what is a second? Well, it is the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the Cesium-133 atom (Wikipedia).

Shew, okay, sorry about the physics, but it was bound to happen.

So what we're saying is, a second is the time it takes for an atom of Cesium to put off some radiation. But, that doesn't get to my original question: what is time?

Well, maybe if I can't define it, I can define how I use it, how I experience it. I use my "time" to do lots of things. I use a decent amount to sleep and to eat. I use some of it to socialize, I use some of it to write these blog posts.

So I can use time... does time have limits? Well of course it does. I have a finite amount of time. It started the day I was born (or at least when I was conscious that time existed) and it will end when I die. But, is this time really mine?

Now that's a good question.

The simple answer is no. This time is not mine. It's a gift. Well then, if it's a gift, who is it from? It's from God.

So if God owns my time and has given each second as a gift to me, why don't I live that way? Why don't I treat each breath, each passing hour, each new day, as a gift from the Lord?

Now that's a really good question.

The simple answer is, I'm sinful. I'm selfish. I'm prideful. I am so focused on myself. I care so little about others. I care so little about Christ. I live to serve myself. I live to serve my interests.

During my month at Saranac, we challenged our Work Crew kids to memorize Philippians 2:1-5 which (if I remember, and I should) says:

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"

If that isn't proof that the gospel is polar opposite to this world... Those five verses are the exact opposite of my reasons for why I don't treat each moment of time as a gift. If I truly lived out that charge Paul gives the Philippians, I would see each breath, each passing second as a gift from Christ. I would waste no time on myself but instead would give it all away.

My time at Saranac is over, but I earnestly hope that my time learning and living this passage is not. I have so little time, why waste another second?

Dunamis...

Dunamis - doo'nam'is: strength, power, ability; inherent power, power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature, or which a person or thing exerts and puts forth.

My favorite lightning picture. Not from last night, sadly.

Last night, I had the awesome privilege of doing a little storm chasing. A severe thunderstorm watch was in effect for my town and so my friend Scott and I grabbed a camera and headed into the madness.

It didn't take long before we realized how wild this storm really was. We drove carefully through the gusting winds and driving rain until we reached a high point on the outskirts of a new housing development. This is one of my favorite locations to take pictures of storms because there are so few houses around that there is minimal light pollution.

As I attempted to dial in the settings on my camera (which if you're wondering is a low ISO, low f-stop, slow shutter speed), I quickly lost focus on taking some great pictures and focused more on the awesome power of the storm. Lightning was flashing all around, thunder was roaring through the sky, rain was crashing down in sheets, leaves and other light debris swirled around... I was filled with awe.

I fiddled with my camera and attempted to guess the right direction to shoot but continued to miss the biggest flashes. As frustrating as it was, I didn't need to capture it on film because I was capturing it with my eyes. Bolts of lightning would rip across the sky, sometimes so bright that it seemed as if it were noontime. Scott and I would yell in amazement to each other rhetorical questions, "Did you see that!?" How could we miss it?

I'm playing on a soccer team this summer in an adult soccer league. Our team name is Dunamis, which as defined above, means inherent power. I was reminded of the inherent power of nature last night as I fumbled with my camera attempting to capture its ferocity in digital form. I was reminded of the inherent power of God. How much more powerful must the Creator of lightning be? How much more awesome must He be?

Scott made the comment during a brief lull in the storm, "It's funny how today we see storms as so awesome and fun, but back in the day, people used to see them as the worst thing ever..." I think we can forget the power of nature when we aren't regularly subjected to it. I know that as I sit in an air conditioned room with a roof over my head and the blinds shut to keep out the blinding sun, it's easy to forget about nature. People all over the world are constantly being reminded that man cannot control nature. I read that there have been over 1100 tornadoes in the US just this year alone (here) I can't control that.

I think if we could grasp how powerful nature really is, we might begin to grasp how powerful the Creator really is. No one can create something more powerful than their own self. This Creator even has the power to control nature--see Mark 4. Imagine the power of God! I cannot comprehend...

A story of losing...

I think back to my freshman year of college. I think way back... almost 4 years ago to when I was moving into my dorm in the heat of summer, I was meeting new friends, I was doing new things, I was a freshman in every sense of the word. I was a freshman in college. I was a freshman in life. I was a freshman in my walk with Christ.

I'd given my life to Christ back in high school. As a sophomore at a Younglife Fall Weekend at Rockbridge I laid on the cold grass and looked up at the stars and finally believed that God loved me. However, I was a slow flame. I went to campaigners, I went to club, yet I didn't really get it. I just didn't understand the Gospel completely.

Fast forward to college.

I came to JMU with the understanding that I was going to do two things. I was going to major in Integrated Science and Technology and I was going to be a Younglife leader. Check and check. End of story.

Well, not exactly.

As I went to Younglife Beyond which then morphed into Leadership Training, I began to realize how fresh I was in my faith. I didn't really know anything about God. I didn't really know anything about faith. I didn't really know much at all. Being in a position where I was unable to help myself, I was in the position God wanted me most--I was beginning to rely on him.

You see, in high school, I was comfortable. I was in a daily routine. I was in a couple clubs with my friends. I played high school golf. And that was essentially my life. It was predictable, it was structured, it was normal... I was in control.

When I got to college, I quickly began to realize that routine wasn't quite as routine. I began to realize that my worth doesn't come from me.

Fast forward to placements. I got placed on Team Elkton. Being from Harrisonburg, I knew at least one leader on every team... except Elkton. Being involved with Beyond and Leadership Training from the beginning, I knew almost every freshman... except the one placed with me (Ellie). I was thrown on a team I didn't know, at a school I didn't know, with another freshman I didn't know at a time where I was quickly learning I didn't know how to lead Younglife!

That was kinda scary.

To make things more fun, in July between freshman and sophomore year, I got a call from Bobby (the other guy leader at Elkton). He told me that he wasn't going to be able to go to camp in August (about 3 weeks away) and that I was going to go. To be honest, my first emotion wasn't excitement. It was fear.

You mean I'm going to camp with a group of guys I hardly know? You mean I am leading a cabin of guys by myself? You mean I have to take two twin brothers who fight constantly (yes, constantly) to camp? Yeah, definitely fear.

Fast forward to camp trip. I was forced (kicking and screaming) into a position where I was completely reliant on God to get me through that week at camp. I learned more about Christ than I think my guys learned. I needed that camp trip as badly as they did. I read a chapter of Philippians each day at camp and looking back through my first attempts at journaling, it is amazing some of the things I wrote. In reference to Philippians 3:8-9, I wrote, "[These verses] have so much power and devotion in them. Paul has discarded EVERYTHING as garbage so he can become one with Christ. I want this kind of devotion in my life and this is something I want to live for and strive for."

I needed to lose my life in order to gain it. I needed to count all things as a loss. I needed to discard all my wants as rubbish. I needed to lose.

Looking back now at how much I had changed from just a year before blows my mind.

I was slowly but surely beginning to realize that life isn't about gaining and achieving and winning... it's about losing.

Fast forward to sophomore year. I decided I was going to Israel. Talk about a step outside my comfort zone. I'd never been out of the country before besides, I don't think I'd ever been away from home for more than two weeks. As I looked back through my journal from sophomore year, I found it funny that on April 9th, my twentieth birthday, I wrote down the scripture that we were memorizing for our trip... Deuteronomy 6:4-9. The funny thing is, I now have part of that tattooed on my arm.

Anyways, God really began preparing me for this trip months before our plane even left Dulles. God was using my fear of the unknown and my anxiety about traveling to bring me closer to him. He was showing me how desperate my daily need for him is. It was one thing for me to hear a leadership talk about spending time in the word, but it wasn't until I felt that need that it became a real thing to me. He was preparing me for time where it all began, he was preparing me for time in Israel where I would learn so much more about my faith.

While in Israel, I learned so much. I learned history, I learned facts, I learned information, but most importantly, I learned about myself and I learned about Christ. I learned more about how I must lose my life.

A distinct memory I have was while we were serving at Bethlehem Bible College. Some people were pouring cement, some were cleaning off roofs, some were washing windows... I was dusting book shelves. To be completely honest, when I found out that was going to be my job for the day, I wasn't happy. My thought was, "I'm a strapping young man, why should I be kept indoors all day dusting off book shelves? Why can't I go do 'fun' things outside?" Ah, my pride. My inability to make myself less. My inability to lose. As I dusted shelves for hours and hours, I got to know the people (Joanna and Ginny) I was working along side very well and it was some of the best conversation I had on that trip.

That trip will stick with me for the rest of my life and I am so happy for you all who get to go in the next month! For those of you who don't get to go, please don't see it as a missed opportunity or that you are missing out. If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that when I think I'm missing out, I'm usually getting something so much greater... which brings me to another story from the summer between sophomore and junior year.

After a brief time at home, I got asked by Goody to program tech for him at Northbay for two weeks. I figured any time spent with Goody was going to be awesome, so I quickly said yes. About five days later, I drove up to Baltimore and then on to Northbay with Goody and Mike. While tech-ing for them, I continued to learn about losing.

If you've program tech'ed before, you know that typically, nothing ever goes according to plan. If you haven't program tech'ed before I will tell you now: nothing ever goes according to plan. It is stressful but it pushed me into a deeper relationship with Christ. It forced me to surrender my plans to God and trust that his will was and is much higher than mine.

While teching, I was approached by Dave at Rockbridge and he told me to consider interning the next summer.

Fast forward to the next summer. I applied, and that flopped. I prayed hard about it, I pursued it, I jumped through all the hoops but... I didn't get the job. What seemed like the exact door the Lord wanted me to go through just slammed in my face. Granted... Dam got the job and I know he is way more qualified than me, so I guess I'll let it slide. Instead of interning at Rockbridge, I had the awesome opportunity to intern with a non-profit in Charlottesville called Least of These International.

It was super spur-of-the-moment but it ended up being wonderful. Once again, I found myself in a position where I needed to rely on the Lord. I all the sudden had a job in a city an hour from home. Amazingly, God provided me a place to stay (for free!) in Charlottesville with some Younglife guys in exchange for cleaning. It was during my stay there that I learned a lot about serving. A lot about making myself less. A lot about losing.

Once again, I was in a place where I was uncomfortable. It was in this, that I learned so much about the bond we share in Christ. I was able to connect with my new roommates on such deep levels because of the work Christ is doing in us. However, the biggest thing I learned was humility. When I agreed to clean their house in exchange for a free place to stay, I didn't know what I'd gotten myself into. Little did I know how messy this house really was.

At first I resented it. I was frustrated. I was angry that I could be so easily duped into agreeing to clean such a mess. In fact, in one room in the basement, as I was moving some boxes, I saw a rat run up the wall and into a hole. However... while I was cleaning and sweating and coughing up dust, I learned humility. I realized I was in a wonderful position to share Christ with the guys I lived with and so I took on a new attitude. Instead of being prideful (like I so badly wanted to be) I tried to be humble. I made it my goal to leave their house better than before I came. I learned that I needed to lose my life. I needed to lose my pride. I needed to take up my cross.

Fast forward to senior year. It's been a whirl-wind of a year. I encourage everyone to take it all in while you can. It's funny to joke about how fast the time goes by, but it really is true. The time has flown by.

To continue the theme of being thrown into situations where I had to rely on the Lord... I became team leader at Elkton. It was the logical progression. Ellie is the busiest person I know and to try to make her team leader would just be too much, thus, being the only other senior... ta-da. I didn't feel qualified to lead my team. I still don't. But, in it all, I've learned that to lead, you must serve. I've learned that the best leaders are the ones most deeply rooted in Christ.

Fast-forward to today. I am learning more and more about being uncomfortable. I'm about to move two hours away and start a real-life job. Not a fun summer job. A real life job. A job I will likely spend the next several years of my life at. I'm excited to see the way God continues to bring me to himself. I'm excited to continue surrendering my life to him.

I am excited to keep losing.

I have an index card taped to my ceiling right above my head that reads, "Win yourself to Christ today!" Every morning I try to remember to do that. I try to remember that I need to die to myself, take up my cross, and follow Christ. I need to lose my life... daily.

Passion...

I was recently asked, "Isaac, what are you passionate about?"

It's funny, I've spent the past 3.5 years of my life pursuing what I thought I was passionate about, but when it came time to answer that question, I couldn't really put words together.

How can I be 21.5 years old and not know what I'm passionate about?

What really gets me going? What do I find joy in doing? What (as my professor might say) makes my socks go up and down? I know there's things in this world I care a lot about, but would I say I'm passionate... I don't know.

I love technology. The application of science to solving real problems is so interesting to me. As many of my friends would attest, I love solving problems and always take the opportunity to boast that I am an Integrated Science and Technology major when I fix a problem or situation.

I love Jesus. It's been mind-blowing to see the way my life has changed over these past few years. It seems like so long ago I committed my life to following Him, yet it's only been just over 6 years. I wouldn't trade anything this world can offer for what I have in Him, it is truly a life worth living.

I think what I'm really passionate about is finding a way I can make these two loves work together. How can I make the application of technologies to helping people work with my love for Jesus? I think if/when I find myself doing that, I will have found what I'm truly passionate about.

I implore you, my loyal readers, to question what you are truly passionate about. Maybe you already know. Maybe you found your passion years ago and have been earnestly chasing it ever since. I applaud you for that and I encourage you to keep going and sacrifice it for nothing. Maybe you don't know yet. Maybe you're like me and are just wondering now what in the wild world of sports you really care about. I encourage you to think. To try things. To take risks. Figure out what you are passionate about and do it!

"Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight;
Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah."
-Psalm 39:5

What are you waiting for?