A citizen of some other place...

I realized the other day that I've been writing this blog for a while now and I've never explained the origin of the title.

A lot of you probably know (and if you don't, shame on you) that my favorite band is Thrice.

They're a post-hardcore/experimental/alternative rock group from California. Their lead, Dustin Kensrue is going to be the worship leader at Mars Hill Church - Orange County. However, they aren't exactly a "Christian" band as not all of the members are.

The thing I like most about their music is the lyrics that Dustin writes. He delves deep into faith and often takes a different perspective on certain things. For example, he's written a song called The Weight of Glory about the woman caught in adultery told from one of the Pharisee's point of view. He also wrote a song called Like Moths to Flame about Peter's denial of Jesus told from Peter's point of view. His ability to jump inside the minds of these people and write and sing the emotions they experienced is incredible.

So, the title of this blog, as you might have guessed, comes from one of Thrice's songs named In Exile.



The first verse of the song, Dustin sings:

I am an exile, a sojourner; A citizen of some other place.

And I thought, what better title? One of the biggest struggles I've faced in my faith is learning how to live a life surrounded by so much that is pushing me away from Christ. A lot of people like the phrase "in the world, but not of it" and while that somewhat describes it, I think there's more to it than that.

I've struggled with the idea of where my citizenship lies, where my true home is, where I really live. The thing I love so much about this song, is Dustin is almost singing my thoughts and questions.

As I set out on this grand adventure of writing a blog, I thought, what better title than one that describes who I really am. I hope that in writing this, you've learned a little bit more about who I am, about what I struggle with, and in turn, maybe... just maybe, you've overcome some struggles in your path.

I plan on writing this blog for a while, but it's fun to stop and reflect on where things all started.

As the chorus goes:
My heart is filled with songs of forever -
Of a city that endures, where all is made new.
I know I don't belong here; I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through.

Shh... listen.

I had the wonderful privilege of being a program tech at the DC Metro Region's Committee/Leader Weekend at Rockbridge Alum Springs (what I like to call the DCMRCLW@RAS) last weekend.

As a program tech, I essentially made sure the slideshows were ready, the music was cued and loud, and the lights were on (or off) when needed.

The major bonus here is that I got to sit and listen to each talk the keynote speaker gave. Susan D. Hill was the speaker for the weekend and she spoke primarily about her experiences with hearing God's voice and how she'd learned to listen.

Pause the story for a second... I've been sporadically praying for the past couple months (maybe years) to learn how to hear the voice of God better. Odd, wouldn't you think? No, how about God.

Resume the story... As I sat in the tech booth and listened, I came face to face with the reality that God does speak to people. I'm not sure where I got the idea, but I assumed that nowadays he just didn't want to... or didn't need to... or something. I assumed that maybe God was just tired of talking after yelling at the Israelites for a few hundred years. It's funny how I'm so wrong sometimes.

Susan told story after story after story about how God had spoken to her through circumstances, through dreams, through conversations, through his word. In countless ways, God had reached out to her and captured her attention. He had spoken to her.

I think sometimes it's easy for me to write things off as false, untrue, or impossible when I haven't seen first hand. I'm so bound by my own experience that it's really hard for me to accept things in faith. I've read a lot of the Bible. I've read countless examples of God speaking to people. In fact, Friday before I left for Rockbridge, I read Exodus 34:6-7 in which God is meeting Moses FACE TO FACE and proclaiming truths about who the Lord is and what his character is like.

I read all these things and yet I still can't believe that God speaks to people. I sit in the tech booth at Rockbridge and listen to someone talk about times the Lord has reached out to them and spoken and I doubt. I think how weird this person is. I think of how strange they are... how bizarre this is. Scripture is overflowing with examples of the Lord speaking to people and yet when I have an opportunity to hear a person speak first hand, I don't accept it.

Thanks be to God that I was able to come to this weekend. I left a firm believer that God still speaks to people. I don't think I have it down just yet. I still struggle. I'm still learning how to listen. I don't expect to get it overnight.

Sunday morning as we were eating breakfast. One of the men at my table shared an experience he'd had hearing the voice of God just the day before. During the night session, he was drifting off to sleep during the speaker's message. During his short sleep, he had a dream his friend Mark was serenading him and as he approached him, he yelled, "WAKE UP!" He jolted awake, embarrassed that he'd fallen asleep. As he sat there listening, his favorite number, 1337, popped into his head and for some reason, he decided that he needed to look at the verse Mark 13:37.

(Here comes the crazy part.)

Mark 13:37 reads: "And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake."

Whoa. Now, if that isn't God speaking to him, I don't know what is.

God still speaks to people. I'm convinced he does. I don't think he's ever stopped speaking... I think we've stopped listening. I know I have. I am so distracted by my phone, Facebook, emails, Twitter, my new job, friends, my dog, EVERYTHING! I think the key is learning how to tune your ears, eyes, and heart to seeing, hearing, and perceiving God. He's everywhere--I just need to pay attention.

I just need to stay awake.

P.S. Susan D. Hill has a book called Closer Than Your Skin. I haven't read it yet, but I'm very excited to. If you're interested, check it out.

Time...

For reasons I can't really explain, time has always fascinated me.

What is time, really? Is it a sensation, a physical dimension, a human concept? I don't know, and I don't plan to dive into all the physics and debate, but nevertheless, I am fascinated by time.

What is an hour, I might ask... well, it's sixty minutes, you say. Okay then, well, what is a minute? It's sixty seconds, you answer. Correct, then, what is a second? Well, it is the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the Cesium-133 atom (Wikipedia).

Shew, okay, sorry about the physics, but it was bound to happen.

So what we're saying is, a second is the time it takes for an atom of Cesium to put off some radiation. But, that doesn't get to my original question: what is time?

Well, maybe if I can't define it, I can define how I use it, how I experience it. I use my "time" to do lots of things. I use a decent amount to sleep and to eat. I use some of it to socialize, I use some of it to write these blog posts.

So I can use time... does time have limits? Well of course it does. I have a finite amount of time. It started the day I was born (or at least when I was conscious that time existed) and it will end when I die. But, is this time really mine?

Now that's a good question.

The simple answer is no. This time is not mine. It's a gift. Well then, if it's a gift, who is it from? It's from God.

So if God owns my time and has given each second as a gift to me, why don't I live that way? Why don't I treat each breath, each passing hour, each new day, as a gift from the Lord?

Now that's a really good question.

The simple answer is, I'm sinful. I'm selfish. I'm prideful. I am so focused on myself. I care so little about others. I care so little about Christ. I live to serve myself. I live to serve my interests.

During my month at Saranac, we challenged our Work Crew kids to memorize Philippians 2:1-5 which (if I remember, and I should) says:

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"

If that isn't proof that the gospel is polar opposite to this world... Those five verses are the exact opposite of my reasons for why I don't treat each moment of time as a gift. If I truly lived out that charge Paul gives the Philippians, I would see each breath, each passing second as a gift from Christ. I would waste no time on myself but instead would give it all away.

My time at Saranac is over, but I earnestly hope that my time learning and living this passage is not. I have so little time, why waste another second?

Welcome back!

No, I didn't sell my computer and become a nomad... I don't know where that rumor came from. I am back though, back from perhaps the best month of my life.

I spent the month of July serving as a volunteer Work Crew Boss at Saranac Lake Younglife Camp in upstate New York. I was working in the kitchen in "the pits". The pits (if you are unfamiliar with Younglife lingo) is the dishwashing area. I had a team of 5 awesome high school kids who gave up an entire month of their summer to serve Christ in some of the dirtiest and nastiest ways.

It was an amazing experience. The thing that struck me most was the fact that roughly 40 high school kids gave up a month of their time to work for no pay to serve Christ. When I was their age, working that hard for that long would have seemed like a joke. I left this month with so much hope in the future. God is hard at work in the lives of high schoolers. He is capturing their hearts and using them for amazing, wonderful things.

Another thing that struck me was how prideful I am. I spent most of my days sweating in the kitchen scrubbing plates, bowls, sheet trays, and all other kinds of kitchenwares. I realized how hard it is for me to work in the background... to work with no recognition... to only be noticed when things are not done correctly. It was hard for me. I like to have attention, I like when I'm noticed. Most campers never knew my name. They probably didn't know what the "pits" was. But, in this, I learned how to surrender my pride and serve in humility.

I still can't get over how great this month was. Don't get me wrong, though, it was hard. I worked hard, physical labor, sometimes 14 hours a day, but in that hard, sometimes frustrating work, I found infinite opportunities to work for the glory of God. I'd read about Brother Lawrence about a week before I left for New York. He was a monk in the 1600s in a French monastery. He was stationed in the kitchen washing dishes and hated it, but by the end of his life, he was known for practicing the presence of God. He did anything and everything for the glory of God. He was so captivated with Christ that the world around him became so insignificant. He spent every second in commune with God. I strived for this during my month and often times fell far short, but it was a fun struggle.

Now that I'm home, I'm still trying to practice the presence of God. It's harder, I must admit. I am not surrounded by an awesome community, I'm not working directly for God's service, but all the chances are still there. I need to give glory to God in everything I say and do... even if it's simply writing this blog post.

Captivated...

My pastor asked an extremely challenging question during his sermon on Sunday.

"Are you captivated by the person and work of Jesus?"

Honestly, my answer would be no. As much as I want to dance around it and say well yeah, I do this and I do that, I'd simply be fooling myself into believing a lie.

What does captivated mean anyway? How do I become captivated by someone? I love this definition from the Princeton WordNet Search: "beguiled: filled with wonder and delight."

So to be captivated by the person and work of Jesus I simply must be filled with wonder and delight, easy right? I wish.

I wish it were that easy. I think if it were, I wouldn't be writing this post, I'd be thinking about Jesus instead. However, it's not that easy, and here we are. I think it all starts with us coming to the realization that God is entirely and completely who He says He is. Once you begin to realize that everything God says about Himself is Truth (with a capital T) it's impossible to not be captivated.

The verse in Colossians becomes a possibility. "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2. I can do this at times. When I really try hard, I can set my mind on God, on Jesus, on what He did, on who He is, but sadly, it often doesn't last long. I'm distracted by things of this world, by desires of the flesh.

However, when we are captivated by God, by Jesus, by what He did, by who He is, we can't help but set our minds on Him. And so, rather than fight the losing battle of trying to live out Colossians 3:2 on my own, I need to employ the power of the Holy Spirit in my life. I need my heart to be changed. I need my understanding to be deepened.

So this is where I find myself. I cannot do this on my own. I do know someone who can. I'm a witness to the power of God. I've seen the way my life has changed these last few years and so I should have no doubt He won't continue what He has already begun... He tells us: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6.

I'm going to pray every day that I will become captivated by the person and work of Jesus. Hold me accountable.

Dunamis...

Dunamis - doo'nam'is: strength, power, ability; inherent power, power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature, or which a person or thing exerts and puts forth.

My favorite lightning picture. Not from last night, sadly.

Last night, I had the awesome privilege of doing a little storm chasing. A severe thunderstorm watch was in effect for my town and so my friend Scott and I grabbed a camera and headed into the madness.

It didn't take long before we realized how wild this storm really was. We drove carefully through the gusting winds and driving rain until we reached a high point on the outskirts of a new housing development. This is one of my favorite locations to take pictures of storms because there are so few houses around that there is minimal light pollution.

As I attempted to dial in the settings on my camera (which if you're wondering is a low ISO, low f-stop, slow shutter speed), I quickly lost focus on taking some great pictures and focused more on the awesome power of the storm. Lightning was flashing all around, thunder was roaring through the sky, rain was crashing down in sheets, leaves and other light debris swirled around... I was filled with awe.

I fiddled with my camera and attempted to guess the right direction to shoot but continued to miss the biggest flashes. As frustrating as it was, I didn't need to capture it on film because I was capturing it with my eyes. Bolts of lightning would rip across the sky, sometimes so bright that it seemed as if it were noontime. Scott and I would yell in amazement to each other rhetorical questions, "Did you see that!?" How could we miss it?

I'm playing on a soccer team this summer in an adult soccer league. Our team name is Dunamis, which as defined above, means inherent power. I was reminded of the inherent power of nature last night as I fumbled with my camera attempting to capture its ferocity in digital form. I was reminded of the inherent power of God. How much more powerful must the Creator of lightning be? How much more awesome must He be?

Scott made the comment during a brief lull in the storm, "It's funny how today we see storms as so awesome and fun, but back in the day, people used to see them as the worst thing ever..." I think we can forget the power of nature when we aren't regularly subjected to it. I know that as I sit in an air conditioned room with a roof over my head and the blinds shut to keep out the blinding sun, it's easy to forget about nature. People all over the world are constantly being reminded that man cannot control nature. I read that there have been over 1100 tornadoes in the US just this year alone (here) I can't control that.

I think if we could grasp how powerful nature really is, we might begin to grasp how powerful the Creator really is. No one can create something more powerful than their own self. This Creator even has the power to control nature--see Mark 4. Imagine the power of God! I cannot comprehend...

Back to start...

About a week ago... I graduated college.

If you had asked me four years ago what I would be doing in four years, I probably would have said I'd be graduating. However, that might be the only thing I would guess correctly.

I just spent the past 3 days moving out of my house at JMU named Pride Rock. We have a strange tradition at JMU of naming houses. My seven other housemates and I decided on the name Pride Rock after months of debate. We wanted to pay homage to one of our favorite childhood movies, The Lion King, and a house of eight men should obviously be called Pride Rock. Seven of us have all lived together all 3 years that we have been there and we've had a different eighth roommate each year. I have been so blessed to live with those guys and while it hasn't always been easy, I have learned so much from each of them.

As we cleaned the house and moved out and said our good byes, I realized that I wasn't really saying good bye. As cliche as it sounds, I was more saying "see you later" to some of my new best friends. Some I will be living close to next year, some I won't be, but regardless, we all share the past 3 years of our lives in common.

I find myself in a strange position. I am in the process of coming to a close with what my life has been for the past 18 years. I have been an active member of the education system. For 18 years I have been in preschool, elementary, middle, high, and now undergraduate. As I graduate and move into the workforce, I leave behind my school years and begin my professional career.

It is strange to think that I'm really just beginning the majority of my life, God willing. It is really exciting to think about the ways God is going to use me in this new phase of life. I've never worked a full time job before. I've never had a career. There's a lot of things I've never done.

It's this unexpected future that I'm looking forward to. It's strange to think how little I know about my future and yet how certain I am that the Lord will provide all I need. In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about certainty in God's provision. He says to the crowd on the Mount of Beatitudes, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?" (v 25). If I could completely grasp the love that God has for me, I think I would fully understand what Jesus is talking about here. He continues,

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (v 26-34)

So simple, so true. I've read this passage a dozen times and each time I am newly convicted of my lack of faith. I want faith. I want faith like Elijah.